Want to try “No Contact” to win back your ex but you two still live together?
I’ll tell you how to navigate this specific situation and begin getting your ex back, right now.
Using No Contact When You Live With Your Ex
This is a question I get asked every single day: how to use my “No Contact” technique when you still live with your ex, or have to see them often at work or school.
If you want to get back together with your ex, then employing a period of No Contact for around 30 days is almost always the best strategy. I’m serious about that, folks… for 99% of situations, No Contact is going to be your best bet.
No Contact is so effective for several reasons, all of which are grounded in basic human psychology. In summary, by employing No Contact, you’re essentially “shocking” your ex into realizing what life is like when you’re not around. They’re going to miss you a lot more if you go “cold turkey” and suddenly disappear from their life entirely than they would if you continued to speak or see one another regularly.
How To Do No Contact When You Live With Your Ex
Now, what if you still live with your ex? Or what if you have to see them every day because you work together or go to the same school? Can you still use the No Contact strategy at all? If so, how can you modify No Contact to suit these kinds of situations?
Yes, you can–and usually should–still use No Contact even if you still live with your ex or have to see them daily. It will need to be more of a “Limited Contact” technique, though.
Don’t show your emotions
So if you still need to see your ex daily for whatever reason, the first and most important thing you need to do is avoid showing your emotions around your ex. The last thing you want to be doing when you’re with your ex is to get emotional, break down in tears, or lash out in anger.
If you are feeling overly emotional, try to get out of the house and hang out at a friend’s while you get through the worst of the initial heartache. Generally, just do your absolute best to avoid showing any kind of negative emotions when you’re around your ex. Be positive and upbeat, not depressed or upset.
Avoid confrontation with your ex
Do not let yourself get dragged in to any kind of argument or shouting match with your ex. It might be tempting at times, and your ex might even try to start something, but you definitely want to get out of that kind of situation and avoid any kind of argument or negative interaction.
Similarly, you also want to avoid serious discussions with your ex. Don’t talk about the breakup, your relationship, your future together, and so on. This is not the time to be having those “serious talks” with your ex… all that will do is remind your ex of the problems in your past relationship and the reasons why they wanted to break up in the first place.
So, those are all things you want to avoid talking with your ex about. But, because you still want to get the benefit of using the No Contact strategy, you’ll ideally want to get out of the house as much as possible, and limit any conversations with your ex to essential topics only.
If your ex is ignoring you, don’t engage with them. This will make No Contact easier for both of you.
Now, don’t completely change your routine just to avoid running into your ex–that would look suspicious–just stay busy and try to avoid being at home with your ex around whenever possible.
Again, keep those essential conversations friendly, non-confrontational, and positive… and basically only engage where you need to.
It’s also usually wise to avoid making any commitments in regards to moving out or finding a new place to live, if you can do so without angering your ex.
Sometimes, your ex may want to move out of the house quickly, and you should let them do so without putting up a fight. Be positive and supportive if you need to be, and don’t fuss over it if your ex seems insistent.
Upend your ex’s expectations
One thing I want you to keep in mind when you’re employing Limited No Contact with your ex is the concept of upending your ex’s expectations.
Because you have to see your ex regularly when living together, you have plenty of opportunities to act in ways that your ex isn’t expecting. Remember: after a breakup, your ex is going to expect you to be heartbroken and desperate.
After being dumped, most people get depressed, and make major changes to their life and their daily habits… they’ll lie in bed all day, become cold and distant and negative around their ex, and stop doing things that they used to do with their ex during the relationship.
Again, this is what your ex is expecting from you… so, you want to do the opposite, especially when employing No Contact.
Upending your ex’s expected reality by NOT lying in bed all day… by continuing to watch that TV show that you and your ex used to watch together every night… by going out regularly and seeing your friends, continuing with your hobbies, and so on… this is all going to make your ex question their decision to break up, and create some mystery in the back of their mind.
It’s human nature to feel FOMO (fear of missing out) and you can capitalize on that by making sure your ex knows that you’re continuing to live a fun, interesting life even when they least expect it.
Create some mystery
Lastly, and along similar lines to what I just mentioned about upending your ex’s expectations, you can also leverage another advantage you have when you still live with your ex: creating a sense of “mystery”. You have to be careful not to make this too obvious, because it can backfire if you take this strategy too far.
Basically, though, what you want to do is make some sort of comment when you’re talking to your ex or when you know they can hear you, that hints at a date you’re going on or ‘someone special’ that you’ve met recently.
For example, maybe your ex is standing within earshot when you’re talking to another friend on the phone… you might say something like, “thanks for the invite, that sounds awesome, but I’m actually taking a friend to a dance class tonight..sorry!”.
The key is to avoid giving any more details or making it into a big deal. Just casually and subtly mention something you’re doing with a “new friend” in order to plant the idea in your ex’s mind, and let them spend the rest of the day wondering who this “friend” is and whether it’s a date you’re going on.