You want to get your ex back and you’re wondering if the No Contact Strategy can help.
It may be difficult to even consider, but trust me. As a breakup coach who has been helping people get their loved ones back for years, I know how powerful No Contact can be.
The first and most crucial step to getting your ex back is No Contact!
Many people, my clients included, fail to fully understand what the No Contact Strategy means or how to ensure it works as well as it’s supposed to. That’s why I’m going to clear up any confusion about the 30 Day No Contact Rule and make sure you know how to use it properly to get the maximum benefit.
What Is The No Contact Strategy?
Now, let’s talk about No Contact.
Regardless of who you are, or the particulars of your breakup, initiating at least 30 days of no contact is pretty much always going to be the first step in wiping away any lingering negative feelings your ex may be harbouring in the back of their mind
If you follow these simple but effective tips I’m going to share shortly, your ex will be back in your arms in no time!
Now, you might be wondering, why 30 days?? And no, it’s not a random number. Guys, I’ve done extensive research into this and a number of studies have concluded that 30 days is the ideal amount of time for emotions to settle and for your ex to start missing you again. I have gone into this in great detail here.
Make The Best of No Contact
I’m going to help you make the absolute most of the No Contact Strategy, so that when you do get back in contact with your ex, you can impress them with how you’ve grown as a person, while illustrating that you are capable of enacting positive change in your life.
Look, far too many people think that No Contact is as simple as simply ignoring your ex for 30 days.
I mean, yes that’s what it involves, but you need to actually use those 30 days to make positive changes and prepare for the future when you’re communicating regularly again.
It should be a very busy month for you, not a month spent waiting around staring at your phone. Not only will the 7 tips I’m about to share with you keep your mind off the breakup and pass the time more quickly, they’ll also give you a better chance of getting your ex back.
1. Make a plan for the next 30 days
Sometimes it can feel slightly strange sitting down and writing out plans or goals for our own improvement, but many studies have shown that putting your goals down on paper makes them much more achievable. In one study at a university in California, researchers demonstrated that you are 42 percent more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down.
That’s why your first step on this 30 day journey is to spend some time thinking about why your ex chose to end things, and making a few notes on ways you can address those issues so that when you do get back together the same problems don’t continue cropping up.
Write down 3 or 4 things that you believe led your ex to fall out of love with you, and then an idea for each on how you can address or improve these things that seem to be causing so many problems.
The important thing here is to really think carefully about what your ex’s key frustrations were leading up to your breakup, and how they can be improved upon.
Now I know that in some cases we genuinely aren’t aware of what exactly it was that led to a loss of attraction and an end to the relationship, which is why you need to register for my comprehensive guide to getting your ex back.
It’s called The Ex Factor, and in section 3 of the comprehensive e-book module, I walk you through all of the most common Universally Unattractive Characteristics that kill attraction and lead to breakups… traits and habits you may not even recognize were key reasons your ex made the decision to break up with you.
My 60-day money back guarantee means you have absolutely nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
2. Spend time with friends
After a breakup, your close friends are your best friend. It’s important to be as busy and social as possible while using the No Contact Strategy. One great way to do that is to just hang out with your friends often.
Another great way would be to make new friends. That’s easier said than done, I know, but if you start saying ‘yes’ to every social event you’re invited to and you pick up a new hobby or join a club, you’ll surround yourself with new people, and all the socializing will give you confidence and take your mind off your ex.
It’s also tapping into human psychology, because we’re hard-wired to be drawn to highly social people, and we subconsciously assume that someone with lots of friends must be a desirable, successful individual.
Finally, you can tell your ex about these new friends when you see them again… it’s not weird or out-of-place to mention a new friend you’ve made in the past month when you’re chatting with your ex, which makes it something you can easily share with your ex.
3. Get some exercise!
Sure, it’s going to be a struggle to get up every day or two and work up a sweat, and on the surface it doesn’t sound like it’ll change anything in just 30 days nor for your chances of getting back together.
BUT, you’d be amazed at how adding a little exercise into your daily routine can radically improve your state of mind and general attitude and demeanor.
Psychiatrists at the University of Texas have found that three or more sessions per week of aerobic exercise or resistance training can help treat even the most serious chronic depression. That’s going to be helpful for your recovery and mental preparation, without a doubt. It also gives you something to talk about with your ex as an added benefit.
And remember, this doesn’t have to be an intense workout in the gym. Even just going for a walk and getting some fresh air can drastically improve your state of mind.
If you continue to struggle to find the motivation, use the desire to get your ex back as inspiration to pull you up off that chair and out the door. Because as mundane as it sounds, exercise will benefit your cause in a number of ways… and help you personally.
4. Seek out advice
Talking to friends and family that you trust can be therapeutic but when seeking advice, look for someone who actually knows what they’re talking about and has experience in breakups.
Getting outside input and perspective to address something specific and unique to your breakup situation can be very helpful, and could very well ensure you avoid making a common mistake that will hurt your chances.
5. Date around
Or at least spend plenty of time with lots of different people, and with new people. Ideally, that includes going on dates, too.
While it might feel counter-productive, the truth is that spending time with other people is much more likely to pique your ex’s interests than if they know you’ve been moping at home, unable to function without them in your life. That’s what they’re expecting.
It’s human nature to want what you can’t have.
It’s also a matter of power dynamics – if your ex knows they have total control and can have whatever they want from you even though you’re not in a relationship anymore, this is unlikely to arouse feelings of longing and desire, which is the goal, right!?
This is about reclaiming some of that power by instilling the right sort of feelings and, hopefully, a little fear or sense of urgency in your ex.
It’ll make them realize that if they don’t act fast, they could miss their chance.
Now since you aren’t going to be contacting them, you might be wondering how they’re even going to know what you’re up to. The main thing to remember is that it doesn’t actually matter when or if they find out. They will eventually.
A few well-placed posts on social media couldn’t hurt, and you can drop hints and references to what you’re doing with mutual friends so they’ll then gossip with your ex and share the news.
Or you can just subtly hint at this stuff when you begin talking to your ex again to create some intrigue and curiosity in your ex. In most cases, you can safely assume that word will get to your ex, or they’ll ask you outright when you see them again.
Another benefit of dating after a breakup, even if you don’t feel like it at all, is that it can sometimes show you that there really are other fish in the sea, and give your self-confidence a big boost.
6. Treat yourself
While this is a time for self-reflection and improvement, it’s also a time to treat yourself and bring some positivity to your life.
Get yourself those new kicks you’ve been eyeing, or splurge on that bike or guitar you’ve wanted forever… it’ll motivate you to get out there and be more active, and give you something new to talk about with your ex.
Another thing I think is important to treat yourself to: time with your friends. We already highlighted the importance of time socializing earlier in tip #2, but you can use the 30 days of No Contact as an opportunity to reconnect with friends you may have lost touch with while in a relationship.
One thing I don’t recommend treating yourself to, however, is an entire bottle of Tequila. In fact any significant alcohol consumption during this period is a recipe for disaster for a lot of people, including a number of past clients who sign up after making a drunken mistake that destroyed their chances.
Think carefully before you turn to booze during No Contact!
7. Get ahead in life
When you’ve recently broken up, you typically have more free time on your hands. The 6 things I’ve already covered in this video will likely occupy some of that time, but you can also channel your time and energy into success in your career, your studies, or even your own mental state and self confidence.
Something as simple as having some friends over to share a pizza and help you paint the living room is the kind of positive forward progress that will help you in many ways, including with getting your ex back.
Just be productive during the 30 Days of No Contact and get ahead at work or school, achieving goals and striving for personal growth.
RELATED– Ignoring Your Ex: Is It Always The Right Strategy?
If your ex is keeping an eye on you –which they almost certainly are– then the realization that you’re actually doing better since the breakup and making the most of your time apart will really help spark their curiosity about what else you’ve been up to…
…and who you’ve been spending time with!
It’ll plant the seed of doubt in their mind and force them to ask themselves, “was I stupid to let someone like this walk out of my life??” You’ll also have new and interesting things to talk about with your ex in future conversations, and you’ll prove that things are different now.
A lot of this stuff I’ve talked about in this video, happens subconsciously and slowly over time, and I know it often sounds kind of flaky and abstract at first… perhaps that’s why it’s a hugely overlooked part of effectively using the 30 Day No Contact strategy. But it’s important, so please don’t just ignore this advice or think of it as ‘optional’.
I know this from over a decade of working with clients in situations just like yours!
Does The “No Contact” Strategy Really Work?
If I had a dollar for every time one of my clients expressed skepticism about the No Contact Strategy, I’d have so much money that I’d make Bill Gates look broke.
And, in reality, most of these folks are not in a situation where they can or should ignore the concept of ignoring their ex after the breakup.
The simple fact of the matter is that ‘no contact’ works extremely well 99% of the time. Sure, there are times you need to tweak the ‘radio silence’ technique to suit your scenario, but generally speaking it’s a good idea to employ this strategy.
For more info on this topic, please view my comprehensive No Contact guide.