No Contact isn’t always easy.
One question I get asked constantly by those of you trying the No Contact Method is “How do I know if it’s working?”
Here are four signs to look for that will tell you if No Contact is working…or not.
Is No Contact Working?
No Contact can make it difficult to read your ex.
Maybe you’re worried that they’re slipping away from you, or maybe you just aren’t sure what you’re supposed to expect from your ex during the No Contact phase.
I’m going to share several key signs that indicate No Contact is working the way it’s supposed to, and just generally explain how to tell if you’re on the right track and making progress.
What Is No Contact?
Now, I’m assuming you already know what the No Contact strategy involves, right? To summarize, No Contact is almost always a key part of my overall strategy to getting your ex back.
It’s extremely effective at changing your ex’s feelings towards you and towards your breakup, it helps make your ex miss you like crazy, and it ensures you don’t make a major mistake that could kill your chances. If done correctly, it can quite literally make your ex change their mind and come back.
So, you should definitely be employing a period of No Contact before you do anything else if you want to maximize your shot at getting back together.
But a lot of people who use No Contact feel like they’re not making any progress. Now this is totally understandable, because you’re not talking to your ex at all during No Contact.
You’re basically just focusing on yourself, ignoring your ex entirely, and waiting for the 30 days to end. So, it’s easy to feel like your ex is slipping away from you during that time, or worry that ignoring your ex isn’t doing you any good.
But, here’s the key thing you need to understand about No Contact: just because you’re not actively doing anything to win back your ex doesn’t mean you’re not actually making any progress.
Sometimes, no communication at all between you and your ex can be a very good thing, and often means that you’re improving your chances of getting them back.
So please, don’t give up on No Contact or lose faith simply because it feels like nothing is happening during those 30 days… the lack of contact with your ex is in itself going to improve your shot at getting them back.
Signs That No Contact Is Working
Now, how can you tell No Contact is working on your ex? What signs should you look for?
Sign #1: Your Ex Is Reaching Out To You
I know this one is pretty obvious, but it’s also one of the biggest indicators that ignoring your ex is working.
If they’re reaching out to you on their own — whether it’s just a quick text message, or they’re leaving you multiple voicemails per day begging you to call back — any kind of contact from your ex is a good sign that No Contact is working.
They’re missing you. They want to talk to you. They clearly just aren’t able to handle you completely disappearing from their life.
If they’re contacting you frequently, especially if you’re not replying or only responding in a very limited and distant way, that’s an even stronger sign that things are going well and you should double down on No Contact.
And similarly, if they’re starting to get more affectionate and emotional in their messages to you… like, for instance, if they say “i miss you” or tell you that they’re lonely or struggling with the breakup… that’s another very strong indication that No Contact is working exactly as intended.
If you’re really struggling, it’s a good idea to try my free quiz tool. If you want to know where you stand with your ex and whether you’ve got a chance to get them back, take my quiz right now. It will evaluate a bunch of different factors based on your answers, and give you a full results report showing your realistic chances of ever getting back together.
Sign #2: You Are Starting To Feel Less Heartbroken
Yes, this sounds a bit silly at first, but remember that No Contact isn’t JUST about how it affects your ex psychologically…. It’s also designed to help YOU get in a better frame of mind, and make yourself more ‘attractive’ to your ex.
A heartbroken person who spends their days home alone crying about the breakup isn’t very attractive… so, if you’re re-building your own confidence and starting to find yourself again, that’s another sign that No Contact is working.
See, ideally, you really want to adopt an “i don’t give a fuck” mindset when it comes to getting your ex back. If you can put yourself into a frame of mind where you don’t really care that much how things pan out with your ex, you will DEFINITELY improve your chances of actually getting them back.
Your ex is MUCH more likely to want you back if you’re thriving in life generally by succeeding in your work or schooling, if you have other romantic options available besides your ex, and if you’re generally self-confident and indifferent about whether you end up back with your ex or not.
So, No Contact should be helping you get closer to that frame of mind. By the end of your No Contact period, you should feel better than when you started. You should have more confidence, be further ahead in life, and be less emotional about the situation in general.
You should also be better prepared for any outcome, and ready to move on if things don’t work out with your ex. In fact, if you REALLY apply No Contact exactly how I describe in my Ex Factor program, you should even have already been on a few dates with other people by the time your period of No Contact is over.
Sign #3: Your Ex Is Curious About You
Are they asking mutual friends about you? Do they “like” your Instagram photos or FB posts regularly, and clearly appear to be keeping an eye on your social media?
Remember that one of the aims of No Contact is to suddenly vanish from your ex’s life entirely… which, in most situations, will cause a lot of curiosity and intrigue for your ex.
The more your ex seems to be curious about you and what you’re up to, the likelier it is that No Contact is working. This is especially true if you learn from mutual friends that your ex has been asking about you.
Sign #4: Your Ex Is More Receptive After No Contact Ends
Obviously, this sign is something you can’t look for until your No Contact period is over and you start communicating with your ex again, but it’s definitely a very good way to tell how effective No Contact was.
Basically, if your ex is treating you very differently after the full period of No Contact is over, that clearly shows that they’re in a different headspace than they were before you cut off contact. If you’re having trouble reconnecting, check out this article on how to use text messages to get your ex back.
For example, if your ex had previously been very firm about the breakup, telling you that it was definitely over for good… and then, after No Contact ends and you start talking again, they seem far less committed to the breakup and a lot more nostalgic about your time together… that would be a good indication that No Contact worked and changed how they feel about you and the possibility of getting back together.
Or maybe your ex had previously been angry at you, but after No Contact they’re no longer showing any signs of resentment or anger… again, that positive change during the period of No Contact suggests you successfully shifted their mental perception of you and improved your shot at getting them back.
Any positive change to your ex’s behaviour or attitude between the start and end of No Contact is a good indication that it worked as intended.
But, folks, EVEN if you haven’t seen any of these 4 signs yourself… even if you’re super worried about whether No Contact could be doing more damage than good… stick with it unless you have a very, very good reason not to. Most of the time, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s working, using No Contact is going to give you the best possible shot at winning back your ex.
If you want my personal help using No Contact properly… if you’re facing a unique situation with your ex, or you just don’t know if you’re on the right track then you need to sign up for my 1-on-1 ongoing coaching program. It’s super affordable, and you get to work with me on an ongoing basis whenever you need my help or have questions. Check it out right now.