So you recently went through a breakup and then you decided to take the plunge and go No Contact with your ex.
But then you made a mistake and broke No Contact. Did you ruin your last chance or is there still hope to win them back?
The truth is, in most situations, there is still hope!
I’m going to cover some common scenarios that break No Contact and tell you your chances, as well as what you need to do next.
What Happens When You Break No Contact
First off, don’t panic. This is much more common than you realize. In fact, it’s your desire to reach out to an ex–against your better judgment–that makes the No Contact rule so important.
RELATED: “What Is No Contact?”
Obviously this is someone you care about a whole lot. They bring you comfort and, since you’re going through a difficult time right now because of their absence. It’s perfectly natural to want to hear their voice once in awhile.
But by the same token, if you want them back for good, it’s essential that you maintain No Contact for at least 30 days.
So what happens if you break No Contact? Have you missed your one chance to get them back? Well the short answer is it depends.
Let’s look at a few scenarios here.
Scenario #1: They Shot You Down
you got drunk and sent your ex some kind of long, rambling text message at 2 am telling them how much you miss them and begging for a second chance.
In response you got some variation of “No, leave me alone” or simply no response at all. I’m not going to lie to you, this doesn’t look great for you.
Reaching out to your ex directly like this is only going to make them MORE confident in their decision to end things. Obviously their feelings about you are complicated to say the least and they’re trying their hardest not to cave in and return to you.
By putting them on the spot you’ve allowed them an opportunity to say no to you once and for all. This is why I recommend you tread lightly when trying to reconnect with your ex.
The goal is not to give them an opportunity to reject you outright like this. Instead, you should slowly reconnect with them and spend time with them without any expectations or pressure.
Scenario #2: A Chance Meeting
You ran into your ex at the grocery store and stopped to say hello and chit chat for a few minutes.
This is actually totally fine and not something that I would even consider to be breaking No Contact.
Obviously it would have been better if you could have avoided them outright but unless you went to the grocery store hoping to run into them, this really isn’t a big deal and I’d recommend you just pretend like it never happened and find another grocery store next time.
Scenario # 3: They Responded Positively
This what I consider the best case scenario. It’s been maybe 25 days since you went No Contact. You reached out to them during the day with a simple message just to see how they were doing and they responded positively and seemed pleased to talk to you.
So which of these scenarios mean that you completely ruined your chances with your ex? The answer is none of them are. In fact, some estimate that over 80% of people fail at No Contact at least once.
While it’s never a good idea to break No Contact, it’s really not the end of the world. Unfortunately, this little slip up does mean that you have to reset the clock to zero and begin the 30 days all over again.
Think of this moment the next time you’re thinking about giving them a call in the middle of the night.
What Should You Do Next?
So what’s next? I’m going to make it very simple for you: in almost any situation where you broke no contact, my advice is this: you need to recommit to the process and try your best not to screw up again.
The next time you want to reach out to your ex, reach out to a friend instead. Worried you might run into them somewhere? Avoid that place as much as possible for the next 30 days.
Remember, it’s called No Contact, not Some Contact.
You need to be willing to see this through to the end if you want to get the results you want. Trust me guys, I’ve helped thousands of people in your situation and No Contact is always the first step to winning back an ex.
This time apart is crucial for both you and your ex to process the breakup. It also allows your ex to really miss your presence in their life and wonder if they made a mistake by ending things.
And that time on your own will give you space to improve yourself and make yourself a more desirable partner to them when the time comes for re-attraction. But all of this goes out the window if you slip up and contact them so try to be strong and remember that you’re doing this for a reason.
Will No Contact Work Again?
Does No Contact work as well the second time around? I won’t lie to you, it’s going to be less effective after you’ve broken it but yes, you still have a chance.
You two had a strong bond and that won’t disappear just because of one or two slip ups on your part.
Now let’s talk about our best case scenario again because my advice there is a little different. This goes for any situation where you broke No Contact and have established an ongoing dialogue with your ex that you’re afraid to mess up.
If it’s been 25+ days since you went No Contact and your ex is being REALLY friendly towards you since you reached out, I think it’s alright that you leave the No Contact phase behind and begin to move into re-attraction.
But you have to be careful. Don’t let this become a pen pal relationship where the two of you text here and there, while you slowly grow apart and move on. Instead, push for an in person meeting as soon as you can.
Keep it casual but concrete. I recommend that you have a believable reason that you need to see them in person. They clearly already want to see you but they’re afraid that this is going to lead back to serious relationship talk.
If you can give them an excuse to see you that seems legitimate, you’re one step closer to your end goal.
I even recommend asking them to do you a small favour. Like, maybe you need a ride to the airport or help with planning a trip. Whatever it is, show them how grateful you are for their help and use this good energy to reconnect on a positive note.
Remember, No Contact is only effective if you’re willing to commit to it for the long haul. The reason it’s so difficult is the same reason that it works so well.
So whenever you miss your ex, remember that your ex misses you just as much, if not more, during this time.