So you’re finally taking my advice and trying out No Contact with your ex.
Congrats on making the right decision. But before you cut things off, you need to make sure you’re not making this one mistake and hurting your chances to reconnect with your ex in the future.
This one mistake can completely ruin No Contact.
Now let’s talk about the number one mistake that ruins No Contact. I see it every day in my work. It’s so easy to do and it completely goes against the idea of how and why No Contact works.
Here’s the scenario: you and your ex broke up. It wasn’t pretty but there are no hard feelings. You didn’t beg or plead for a second chance. Instead, you sought out my advice, learned about No Contact and decided to give it a go.
So you return their hoodie, put down your phone, and sit down to wait for No Contact to be over.
But guess what, you’ve already made the fatal mistake and your No Contact period is jeopardized before it even began. Here’s what you and so many others do wrong during No Contact:
Treating No Contact like a waiting period.
No Contact is not about being passive, being silent, and waiting for your ex to come back to you. It’s actually the exact opposite. You need to make plans, set goals and achieve them. If you spend this time just sitting there and you expect your ex to come running once the time is up, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
There are a few reasons why action is essential to your long term plans to win back your ex. First, if you’re sitting their stagnating for a month while your ex is out living their life, you’re going to be at a huge disadvantage when No Contact ends, no matter the reasons for your breakup.
A lot can happen in 30 days. You can train for a 10k or you can gain 10 pounds. You can start a new and rewarding hobby, or you can slide into loneliness and desperation. You can set yourself up to win your ex back, or you can lose them forever, it’s your choice. Put the focus on bettering yourself and watch what happens.
Think of it this way: If you haven’t made any changes during this period then what reason will your ex have to take you back?
You need to show your ex that they’re missing out on the best version of yourself and that if they decide to take you back, you have more to offer them than you did before you broke up.
Even if they have no idea what you’ve been up to during No Contact, the confidence you’ll feel from living your best life is going to show itself the first time they see your face again.
Here’s another way to look at it: what if you’re completely confident your ex is going to take you back after No Contact? I admire your confidence but if you’re right then this is really going to be your last chance to go solo.
Don’t let it go to waste. Get out there. Try new things and have new experiences. What are some activities your relationship kept you from doing? What are things you and your ex wanted to do together but never found the time? There are a million things you can be doing right now and sitting on the couch isn’t one of them.
You don’t need to climb Mount Everest but you do need to do something new and different with your newfound free time.
Setting your mind to something and taking action will not only make No Contact fly by, it’ll improve your mood, lift your spirits, and make sure you have the best chance at getting your ex back when the time comes to break No Contact.
Still watching? Here are a few more small-scale No Contact mistakes that can hurt your chances
Social media is a great way to subtly communicate things to your ex without breaking No Contact. But make sure you’re careful about how and what you’re posting.
Do not post and passive aggressive statuses about fake people and broken promises. I know it may feel good in the short term but hurting your ex isn’t going to make them want you back.
Plus don’t post ten photos a day if you didn’t in the past. This sudden change will reek of desperation and show your ex how lonely you are now that they’re not in your life. So be mindful about what you’re posting or you just might scare your ex away for good.
Not reading the ex factor guide
The Ex Factor Guide is not only the number one ex back guide available, it’s your road map to No Contact. I go through every aspect of No Contact so you can use your time away from your ex to maximize your chances of reconnecting with your ex when the time comes.
Finding a reason to contact them
There are legitimate reasons you might need to contact your ex during this time period. For example: you’re parents and need to arrange visitation.
But for every legitimate reason, there are fifty other stupid reasons that your brain is going to come up with to convince you to text your ex, just to get that tiny feeling back. Just because you found her scrunchie behind the bedside table does not mean you should break No Contact.
Remember, even if your ex says there’s no chance, No Contact really does work but only if you can maintain it.
Just because you found out her favourite band has a new song, again, you shouldn’t break No Contact.
The problem is that you’re so used to texting this person that it’s almost like second nature. If you’re worried you might slip up, I recommend writing their number down on a piece of paper, putting it somewhere safe and then deleting their contact from your phone.
It might feel a bit dramatic but it makes it that much more difficult to text your ex when you’re feeling low.