We’ve all seen how this scene plays out in movies and television. It’s a guy and a girl standing in front of each other and either one, here it will be the guy, says, “It’s not you; it’s me!” and to soften the blow he suggests, “But let’s still be friends!”
Not only have you just been dumped, but you have also been reduced from a lover to a friend. Not everyone’s ideal situation.
Break ups have a certain shock value and a lot of the time we are confused by our emotions running high, and we can sometimes agree that, “Yes, being friends with my ex is a superb idea!” before we’ve really had time to think about the consequences of such an act.
Some of the benefits for you to remain friends with your ex is that you relieve them of any guilt of breaking up with you because they feel as though they are doing you a solid by allowing you to be in their life. Great for the breaker, but it’s not so hot for the breakee.
You can’t instantly change your ex’s mind about getting back together; however, you can maneuver your way out of the friend zone if that’s where you currently reside in their life.
Here are some steps to get out of that dreaded zone:
Step 1: Remove Yourself from Their Life
Remove yourself from your ex’s life completely! If you still have feelings for your ex, you are feeding your hurt and only increasing your chances of disappointment by remaining friends with them. While this may seem like a good idea, it actually looks desperate.
Your ex won’t miss you if they see you all the time. You need to give them time to develop some nostalgia about the relationship and let go of any negative feelings they’ve harbored for you throughout the course of your relationship.
That is where the “No Contact” period comes in handy. The “No Contact” period is a 30-day task where you have zero contact with your ex—no phone calls, texting, Facetiming, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, nothing! And I mean no contact for 30 days. The purpose of this is for your ex to miss you and to realize what life is like without you there.
Trust me, this, above all else, works!
Step 2: Say No
If your ex asks you to remain friends after the breakup, just say no! Don’t agree to be friends with your ex. This gives them total control of the relationship. By you agreeing to be friends, you are saying that you still need and want them in your life. By saying yes, you agree to your ex’s terms and conditions.
I can guarantee, when it comes time to want to hang out or text, all of this will be on your ex’s terms.
For example, if you’re a man, you might get a bored phone call to hangout on a Wednesday night after your ex has just been rejected from another man. And when you try to reach out to her, you will be met with short answers and an excuse not to hang out. My guess is that you talk and hang out when it’s convenient for your ex.
This is no way to live your life, and it is not a proactive way to either get over your ex, or even to win them back.
Don’t live your life on your ex’s terms. Not only are you stuck in the purgatory of being your ex’s friend, but this is a deterrent to any future partners. If you are still at your ex’s beck and call, this isn’t a quality people are attracted to and search out on Tinder.
Being friends with your ex lets people know that you’re still hung up on your ex, and you’re just waiting for them to give you the go ahead to try the relationship again.
When you agree to be friends with your ex, it is usually because you don’t want to lose them. In reality, though, you are just securing your spot on the friendship bench because your ex will never have a chance to miss you without knowing what life is like without you.
Step 3: What to do After the No Contact Period is Up?
Put your ex in the friend zone. Call on them to help you with an assignment, or call on them to help you move. Call them for dating advice! And then let them know how good of a FRIEND they have been to you. Essentially, give them a taste of their own medicine and see how they respond.
I guarantee you most people who friend zoned you won’t like being friend zoned themselves.
The friend zone is a one-sided relationship. It is defined as,
“a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other”—Google.
Let your ex see how this feels to talk openly about you dating other people and them actually being your friend.
If your goal is to ultimately get back together with your ex, I wouldn’t suggest doing anything that would alienate them from your life completely. I would just let them see what it’s like to walk around in your shoes for a bit.
Step 4: Move On
After your no contact, and while you are friend zoning your ex, focus on yourself and meet new people. By you moving on, you will either push your ex to a point where they have to make a decision if they want to be with you or not, or, on the other hand, you open yourself up to the possibility of a new and better relationship.
So try these steps and then make a decision, and I hope that your escape is seamless.