Take it from a breakup coach…there are five types of text messages you’re likely going to receive from your ex after breaking up.
My clients are constantly receiving these types of messages from their exes, and that means you’re likely going to receive at least one of them too… if you haven’t already.
5 Texts Your Ex Will Send
These are the five types of texts your ex will send after a breakup.
Text #1: “I miss you”
Unfortunately, it can pretty painful to receive this kind of message from your ex… and even more importantly, it can be very difficult to respond appropriately.
Often times, you’ll receive this kind of text late at night, when your ex is lonely or possibly even drunk. They might say “I miss you” or “I wish you were here” or something along those lines that suggests they might be second guessing their decision to break up.
On one hand, if you want to get back together with your ex, this is a good sign.
It definitely suggests they’re struggling emotionally with the breakup. But on the other hand, it’s also somewhat dangerous, because it can a.) give you false hope; and b.) tempt you to respond in an overly emotional way that reveals your desire to get back together.
How to reply to “I miss you”
So, what do you do when you receive this kind of “I miss you” message from your ex? You definitely don’t want to immediately reply saying “I miss you so much too!!” or anything like that.
You should wait an hour or two before you send ANY kind of response, but if you get this message in the evening or late at night, it’s best to wait until the following day to reply.
Another option is to not respond at all — in fact, if you’re currently engaged in a period of No Contact, not sending any reply is the best option.
If you do decide to reply, once you’ve waited at least an hour or two.
I suggest you say something like: “I miss you too! Speaking of missing, have you seen my navy blue sweater at your place?? I can’t find it anywhere.”
Changing the subject is a good way to respond to your ex’s comment, without seemingly overly desperate or appearing too emotionally invested.
Text #2: “I hate you”
It’s definitely not uncommon for this kind of hurtful message to come out of the blue, even if you and your ex ended things on good terms.
It’s usually not quite as blunt as “I hate you.” Your ex might hint at how they’re so much better off now, they might bring up old arguments, or they might give you hell for something you did in the past when you were still together.
Regardless of the exact details of the message, any kind of hurtful text from your ex is usually actually a positive sign, believe it or not.
Assuming you didn’t actually do or say something that would justify this kind of message from your ex, it indicates that your ex is still thinking about you and still cares about you enough to send you the text.
How to reply to “I hate you”
How do you handle this kind of angry or aggressive message? Simple: ignore it.
NEVER let yourself get dragged in to any kind of argument, or show your ex that their words have affected you emotionally.
It’s possible that your ex is saying this kind of thing in an attempt to incite an angry reply, which they can use to justify hurting you by breaking up.
Quite simply, nothing good can come from getting into an argument with your ex, so in 99.9% of all situations, your best bet is simply to ignore this type of message altogether.
Text #3: Indifference
Often, you may be texting back and forth with your ex, and he or she will respond to a message with a one-word reply like “ok” or “ya” or “whatever”… basically showing complete indifference to you and whatever you’re saying.
If it feels like they’re just trying to shut down the conversation with this kind of indifferent, one-word message… then that’s probably accurate.
How to reply to indifference
If you get this kind of reply from your ex, take notice and don’t try to dig for more.
Sometimes the one-word replies mean that your ex is tired of you and you need to back way off, and sometimes it’s just because they’re in a bad mood or in the middle of something and don’t want to be bothered.
Whatever the case may be, it’s time to give them some space.
You definitely don’t want to try to continue the conversation or ask why he or she is acting so cold and uninterested.
It’s best to just wait until your ex reaches out to you again on their own. Until that point, don’t force the issue. Just ignore them for now.
Text #4: “Are you dating anyone?”
Ahhh yes… jealousy. It’s very possible that your ex may reach out to ask if you’re seeing anyone.
This question might come out of the blue, or they may ask it in the context of a broader conversation, but either way… this text is good news if you’re hoping to get back together.
Why? Well, because it clearly indicates your ex isn’t fully over you, and it usually also suggests they’re worried that you might be moving on.
How to reply to “are you dating anyone?”
Before you get too excited and start responding to this message, though…. Wait. Don’t do it.
Just because you get an encouraging text such as this–or really any text that suggests your ex is jealous–doesn’t mean they definitely want you back, or that you should be open and honest in your response.
In fact, it’s best to either ignore the comment entirely, or reply in a cryptic, mysterious kind of way.
For example, you might respond by saying, “oh you know me, I’ve always been a ladies man ;-)” or something along those lines that will leave your ex wondering whether you really are seeing someone new or not.
The exception to this, of course, is if you actually are seeing someone new and you are no longer really interested in getting back together with your ex.
If that’s the case, then that’s one situation where you can be honest and let them know that you’ve moved on.
Otherwise, as long as you’re still hoping to get your ex back, it’s best to avoid giving any kind of straight answer and just keep your ex guessing for now.
Text #5: “Leave me alone”
Last but not least, you might get a message from your ex saying something like “I need some space right now” or “please leave me alone”.
How to reply to “leave me alone”
This is a text you cannot ignore. Well, actually, you CAN ignore it… but you can’t ignore this type of request. You need to accept it and do as your ex is asking.
If they’re openly telling you they want you to leave them alone, you have no choice but to do so.
In fact, I don’t recommend saying anything at all in reply to this message.
Don’t bother saying, “ok I will” or anything like that. Just stop communicating with your ex until they reach out to you again.