Rebuilding attraction can be one of the most difficult stages of winning your ex girlfriend back. A lot of women claim that once attraction has been lost, it can be next to impossible to get it back. This, of course, isn’t true, and I’ve witnessed many occasions where a man has rebuilt so much attraction that a couple’s new relationship is stronger than the last. But the road to rebuilding attraction can be a long and difficult one, so I’ve written this article to clarify how the process works.
Identify Why Your Girlfriend’s Attraction Faded
Attraction fades for several reasons. Most men actually have no idea what causes this loss of attraction because sometimes the reasons for a loss of attraction can be counter-intuitive to what you think is attractive.
So before we get to rebuilding your ex girlfriend’s attraction for you, we need to know why it was lost in the first place.
These are what I like to call the 6 Deadly Sins Against Attraction in a relationship.
1.) Being Too Controlling.
Women hate it when their man puts too many restrictions on their lives. For example, he may not let her speak to certain male friends or not let her go out at certain times. The core reason for this behavior is fear – fear of losing his girlfriend to a better man.
The funny thing is, the more a man tries to control his girlfriend, the less control he’ll actually have in the relationship. Remember to try and give your girlfriend some space. Allow her to be her own woman at times. Be comfortable in your own worth and trust your girlfriend. In turn, she’ll begin to trust and love you more.
2.) Having Low Self-Esteem or Low Confidence.
Constantly crying out for attention because you’re unhappy is a very unattractive characteristic in both men and women. Remember, you’re trying to be a real man here. That means that if you’re unhappy with a certain aspect of your life, don’t whine about it… fix it.
If you think your low self-esteem is a result of something inexplicable, then go to a doctor. Depression is beyond your own control and you need help to manage it.
3.) Being Too Attached and Always Needing Attention.
Being the “clingy” boyfriend may seem like it’s cute and attractive, but it isn’t. In reality, this sort of behavior can be very unattractive.
You might think that your lady likes it when you constantly call her, text her, and message her… after all, you’re just being “cute” and attentive, right? Wrong. Space is extremely important in creating attraction.
Chances are, you’ve probably been on the other side of the coin! Haven’t you ever had a girl constantly send you a barrage of text messages, phone calls, and emails? This behavior probably made you very unattracted to this woman. High value men never need to beg for human interaction because they receive an abundance of it from a variety of people every day.
4.) Being Jealous.
Maybe you don’t like how she’s hanging out with her friends way more than she is with you… or maybe you don’t like how one of her male co-workers keeps trying to contact her – if this is genuinely annoying you and making you jealous, you’re “subcommunicating” to your girlfriend that she has more value than you. You’re worried that she is going to get more attention than you, and ultimately, you’re afraid that this attention is going to lure her away. Jealousy is the ultimate form of insecurity.
I know that jealousy is an emotion that you can’t control, but you have to force yourself to not show these emotions too much. You need to assume the attitude that other men are completely harmless because you’re better than all of them. Thus, you shouldn’t fear that your ex girlfriend will be lured away by another man.
5.) Seeking External Validation.
Unattractive men constantly seek approval from their female partners. Have you ever asked the following questions to your girlfriend: “Do you love me? How much? Do you think I’m good looking enough? Do you think I’m better looking than him? Is my penis big enough for you?” If you’re asking these questions, then you’re telling your girlfriend that you aren’t sure whether you’re good enough for her. Do this too much, and she’ll start thinking you aren’t good enough regardless of whether it’s true or not.
I obviously don’t have to explain why this is just a huge attraction killer. Do I?
Rebuild The Attraction
So based on everything I’ve taught you so far, you know that calling her 100 times a day isn’t going to work. You know that screaming at her for going out with her friends too much isn’t going to work either. Committing one of these sins will only make her less attracted to you. If you want to increase her attraction level for you, then follow these basic rules:
1.) Stop talking to her completely.
I call this the “No Contact” strategy or phase. You want to stop communicating with your ex for at least 3 weeks or more depending on your situation. If you want to know exactly how long you should be ignoring your ex, then head over to my personal coaching section and see how you can get personalized coaching advice from me.
By not talking to her, you’re indirectly making your ex miss you. There’s a strong correlation between radio silence and attraction.
2.) Flirt and go out with other girls.
One of the strongest ways to build attraction is to make her jealous. If you look like a catch to other women, chances are she’ll start thinking so too and questioning her decision to break up with you. She’ll be thinking, Did I make a huge mistake by letting him go? Maybe there’s something those other girls see in him that I’m missing?
If she starts getting annoyed by you going out on dates with other girls, that means that this tactic is working. However, you need to be doing this discretely. If you announce on Facebook that you’re dating another girl, your ex is probably just going to think you’re trying to make her feel jealous and it will blow your cover.
Just start dating other girls and talking to your friends about it. Brag a little. Word will get around… and if you’re lucky, word will get to your ex girlfriend.
3.) Put all your energy into improving yourself.
Right now, your ex girlfriend probably thinks that you want her back. She probably thinks that you’re at home right now pining over her, being depressed, and cracking open that bottle of whiskey. You need to shatter this image immediately.
You need to start going out, being happy, and being social. You need to spend time with your friends and family. You need to be working out and sculpting that perfect body. You need to be spending time doing things you love.
You need to take her off her pedestal and show the world that you just simply don’t give a &#@* about your ex girlfriend. This is one of the most powerful and attractive things you can do.
4.) Don’t be mean to her but don’t be too nice to her, either.
If you have to talk to your ex, don’t be mean to her. She’ll know something’s up. Don’t be overly nice to her either – you aren’t together anymore. You just have to be normal and happy.
Don’t do anything brash like de-friending her on Facebook (yet). You just have to show her that you aren’t bothered by the breakup at all. Treating her in any extreme way won’t benefit you and definitely won’t build any attraction.
5.) Be nonchalant about the breakup with everyone, including her.
If your friends ask you about the breakup, don’t talk about it in depth. Just say that you’re fine and that you’re happy you’re doing your own thing right now. Never tell anyone that you miss her and that you’re sad without her. If word gets to her that you’re still in love with her, this will absolutely destroy your chances of rebuilding your attraction with her.
Rebuilding attraction is a gradual thing. Again, it’s all about shattering the old, unattractive image your ex girlfriend has of you and replacing it with a brand new, sexy you. Once you’ve done this (and this can take weeks, sometimes months), then you can go ahead and attempt to contact your ex girlfriend again.
Thanks for reading, and I wish you the best of luck!