If you’re hoping to get a second chance with your ex, you need to fundamentally change the way they think about you and your relationship.
You need to re-wire their brain so that when your ex thinks about you, they think about your positive qualities, how much fun you are, how many great memories you’ve shared, and how great life is when you’re by their side.
This is a vital step to changing the narrative so that they come running back to you to ask for another chance.
Why Re-Wiring Your Ex’s Brain Is Critical To Getting Them Back
Right now, if you’ve been dumped or if your ex isn’t interested in giving the relationship another shot, then they almost certainly think of you in a negative light. Even if your breakup was totally friendly and he or she has told you they still love you, the reality is that your ex just doesn’t think of you as someone they want to be with.
And if your breakup was ugly or you’ve made a lot of mistakes since the breakup, it’s even more likely that he or she sees you as “that desperate loser ex”.
If you want him or her to take you back, then you need to change that… you need to make sure that they think about you in the same way they did when your relationship began, when things were amazing and you were madly in love.
If your ex were to feel that way about you again–if thinking about you brought a smile to their face and sent a surge of attraction through their body–then he or she wouldn’t even think twice about getting back together!
The key to winning back your ex is to re-program their subconscious perception of you.
You want them to feel like they NEED you in their life, and stimulate the kind of strong emotions and feelings of attraction that will overpower logic or reasoning.
If you do this properly, then all the reasons your ex has given you for the breakup will become meaningless or be forgotten completely. We humans are emotional creatures and we’re slaves to our sexual and emotional desires… so if you can stimulate those feelings in the back of your ex’s mind, then he or she will come crawling back to you asking for another chance.
Why This Matters For Getting Back Together
If you think about it, what most people in your situation do is actually the complete opposite of what I just described. Most people–and I can’t blame them, because it seems perfectly logical–try to convince their ex to take them back.
They beg, plead, or just generally reach out to their ex and attempt to do things that they think will change their ex’s mind about the breakup.
Unfortunately, this almost never works. On the contrary, in fact… most of the time, any attempts to talk with your ex after the breakup will harm your chances and drive him or her even further away.
Begging, pleading, apologizing, bribing with gifts, sending love letters… all this kind of thing does is reinforce that image in the back of your ex’s mind – the one that makes them think of you in a negative light, as someone whom they wouldn’t be their romantic partner and isn’t what they want in a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Perhaps the worst example of this is the “serious talks” that many couples have in the days and weeks after their breakup. You know what I’m referring to… you and your ex have a heart-to-heart conversation, hash out all the problems and issues that plagued your relationship, and go in circles revisiting all the issues over and over again without ever really making any progress.
This type of talk with your ex is the absolute LAST THING you need if you want to get back together… it simply reminds them of the reasons for the breakup and brings the resentment, anger, and other negative emotions back to the top of their mind. So, please don’t do this.
By now, I think you get the point. Your ex has made his or her decision, and you can’t say anything to change their mind. Any active attempts to reach out to your ex, especially in the first few weeks, will usually end up backfiring and making matters worse.
In order to fundamentally re-wire your ex’s feelings for you and go back to the days where he or she wanted to spend every waking moment with you, you have to use the strategies I share in my Ex Factor program. There are actually a number of things you can do right now, even if it’s only been an hour since the breakup, to begin subtly shifting your ex’s feelings and perception of you.
4 Ways To Start Changing How Your Ex Feels About You
For the purposes of this video, I’m just going to share four of the most basic steps you can take to start re-wiring your ex’s perception of you… and start making them regret the breakup.
#1 – Employ No Contact.
You already know about the 30 Day No Contact method, but I have to include it here in this list because it’s so important and so effective. Simply put, ignoring your ex for a period of time after the breakup can, on its own, make your ex change his or her mind… sometimes even enough that they call you out of the blue and ask to get back together.
It’s because you’re suddenly disappearing after many months or years of daily contact… humans are creatures of habit, and sudden changes to daily routines are a huge shock that we don’t handle well. So when you disappear suddenly — rather than keeping in touch or “being friends”, which allows your ex to gradually get used to life without you — you’re essentially shocking them into missing you like mad.
There are many other benefits to this strategy, but suffice to say it works and you should employ this technique ASAP if you haven’t already. Please check the description below the video for a link to another video I made on how to properly use No Contact in almost any breakup situation.
#2 – Pretend like you’re totally unaffected by the breakup and moving on to bigger and better things.
Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who sits at home alone crying every night, or someone who is out having fun and enjoying life? Does knowing someone is heartbroken and struggling to cope with the idea of being single make them more attractive? Obviously not.
We all want to surround ourselves with awesome people living awesome lives, and your ex is no different. Show him or her — by not being emotional about the breakup, and by going out and living life to the fullest as soon as possible — that you’re happily moving on to better things and won’t have any problem replacing your ex with someone else if they don’t smarten up and take you back.
Even more than that, getting out there and living your best life… being social, making friends, going on adventures, achieving your career goals, etc… it also gives you a lot of excellent material to share with your ex when you’re re-connecting with them again.
#3 – Use jealousy to your advantage.
Now, I realize this can be difficult for a lot of people after a breakup… you don’t always feel like dating someone new, especially when you’re still fixated on your ex. But it’s a very effective tactic if you use it properly, because your ex sees you moving on and will immediately wonder if he or she has made a mistake in letting go of such a desirable commodity.
Think about it — if you dumped someone and then they were in a new relationship soon thereafter, or at least out dating new people and having no trouble landing a date, wouldn’t you assume — at least subconsciously — that they were a great catch? You don’t have to actually date anyone to make your ex jealous, though… there are things you can do to create mystery and intrigue that will almost certainly cause your ex to wonder what you’re doing and who you’re with. That alone generates powerful feelings of jealousy and works like magic.
And of course there are many other things you can do to safely incite a bit of jealousy, but I can’t cover them all here so please consider grabbing a copy of my Ex Factor program if you need more ideas.
I do want to share a word of warning about this strategy, though… as I discuss in the program, you need to be careful whenever you try to incite jealousy, because if your ex actually knows you’re TRYING to make them jealous, it will backfire in a big way and do some serious damage to your chances. So, always be careful to be subtle and under-the-radar whenever you’re using jealousy.
#4 – Send your ex subtle reminders of positive memories and happy times you shared together.
This one is pretty simple… you can use the shared history you have with your ex to remind them of happy memories or make them nostalgic for those better days when you were happily together.
The easiest way to do this is to send a message — after you’ve completed a period of No Contact, of course — that hints at a great time you shared. For instance, maybe you and your ex spent a magical night camped out under the stars… you can send your ex a text saying something like, “I’m going back to that incredible desert campsite we stayed at last year… that was such an amazing night, hoping to see another meteor shower!”
RELATED: 5 Things That Make An Ex Change Their Mind About Breaking Up
Or you could share an old FaceBook post with photos from an amazing weekend way you spent with your ex last year… no need to add any message beyond something like, “this memory just popped up in my timeline… such an awesome weekend!”
You’ll have to use your imagination a bit here, but the key is really just to force your ex to remember and re-live a happy or steamy shared experience that you know will get them feeling nostalgic and help associate the thought of you with happiness and a romantic connection.
That’s 4 things you can start doing right now to start re-wiring how your ex feels about you and your potential future together as a couple. Remember: the key is not to try and convince your ex with words, but rather to show them that they’ve made a mistake in letting you go. The more you can shift your ex’s subconscious perception of you, the closer you’ll be to getting them back.