One this page, I’ll be revealing a handful of proven, powerful strategies and techniques that will help you win back your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.
These are the same strategies that some of the world’s top breakup experts (including me!) teach to their clients.
Not only do I reveal my own top ex back tips… you’ll also learn about some of the sneaky tactics that 3 other leading breakup coaches suggest using. (These guest experts who share some of their best tips below are legitimate, experienced relationship experts, not just random self-proclaimed internet ‘experts’!)
Ready to learn the 8 most effective ‘ex back’ tactics? Good. Let’s begin…
Top 8 ‘Get Your Ex Back’ Tips & Techniques
Featuring Brad Browning, Amy North, Chris Seiter, and Jessica Boss.
Ex Back Tip #1: A Trick To Avoid Seeming Desperate
If you want your ex back, then you can’t let your ex actually know that you want them back. Ideally, you should show your ex through your actions and your words that you’re going to quickly replace them and move on if they don’t quickly change their mind about the breakup.
It’s therefore extremely important that you don’t seem too eager to talk with your ex. You can’t appear to be waiting around staring at your phone waiting for them to call or text you — that just screams “loser ex”.
How do you make sure that you don’t give off that impression?
Make your ex wait for a reply any time he or she reaches out to you. If they randomly send you a text in the middle of the day, wait until the evening to reply. Tell your ex you’re sorry, say you were busy this afternoon with some friends, or something similarly believable.
If they call you, don’t always pick up. Let it go to voicemail, and call them back later or the following day, if you need to at all. Sometimes just ignoring a text or call if it doesn’t demand a response is the best option, but at the very least be sure to delay your replies and make it appear like you’re super busy and don’t have much time for them anymore… at least, not unless they decide to take you back.
Ex Back Tip #2: Use “Open Loops” When Talking To Your Ex
Fun fact: psychology researchers have found that humans are hard-wired to remember uncompleted tasks, while completed tasks and accomplishments are forgotten far more quickly.
How does this relate to getting your ex back?
Well, by using “open loops” — leaving your ex hanging, in other words, and making interactions with him or her feel like “uncompleted” tasks rather than “closed, completed” conversations or interactions, you can force him or her to spend much of the following hours and days thinking about you and the conversation that was left ‘open’.
An easy way to implement this in everyday situations is to simply make sure YOU (not your ex) are the one who sends the last message or has the last word in any conversations… so, instead of you being the one to finish a text message exchange with a “talk to you later” text, simply don’t reply to your ex’s last message and that will essentially create an “open loop”.
Ex Back Tip #3: Call Your Ex When You Know They Won’t Answer
Calling your ex can be tough, and can often do more harm than good if you’re not prepared.
The best way to handle that first call to your ex after the end of a No Contact period? Simply call at a time when you know they won’t likely be able to answer. That way, you can leave a simple and carefully planned message and ensure you don’t say something dumb that might hurt your chances.
Equally importantly, make sure you know what you want to say before you pick up the phone… and make sure you have a good reason to call, so that when you do leave a voicemail, you sound like you’re confident and calling for a specific reason… not just to chat or because you’re lonely and missing the sound of their voice.
Ex Back Tip #4: Focus On What You CAN Control
One of the mistakes almost all of my clients make when trying to get back together with an ex is actually related to their overall mindset: they waste far too much time worrying about what their ex is doing or saying, instead of what actually matters and will help their chances of successfully winning back their ex.
Perhaps legendary mixed martial artist Georges St Pierre summed it up best:
“FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL… FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE.”
Georges is absolutely right.
How is worrying about your ex’s latest instagram post going to help your cause? Or, how about asking all your mutual friends about the new guy or girl your ex is rumoured to be dating… how is learning about him or her going to improve your odds of getting a second chance with your ex?
It won’t! So don’t worry about any of that crap. Instead, be as laser-focused as Georges St-Pierre, and forget about absolutely everything outside your control. Stick to the stuff that matters, and that you can actually control.
Ex Back Tip #5: Slow & Steady Wins The Race
You can’t rush the process of winning back an ex, and if you try, it will only make matters worse.
Don’t be suckered into believing anyone who tells you they have a magic potion that’s going to make your ex take you back with the flip of a switch… it takes time, and rushing things will almost always hurt your chances.
Ex Back Tip #6: Become Even More Awesome During No Contact
Use the No Contact period to be productive, rather than simply sitting around staring at your phone hoping your ex will call.
Instead, grab life by the balls during the 30 days or so that you’re not talking to your ex at all. Use the time to really enhance your own life, be social, work towards personal goals at work or school, and do exciting and interesting things you’ve been putting off.
Not only will this keep your mind off your ex, it’ll also give you plenty of stories and photos to share with your ex when you do start talking with them again, ensuring you appear to be thriving since the breakup and making you look as attractive as possible in the eyes of your ex.
Ex Back Tip #7: Give Your Ex An Incentive To Meet Up
When arranging a date or in-person meet-up with your ex, always try to ask yourself… “what’s in it for my ex?”
In other words, don’t simply suggest to your ex that you meet for coffee to “catch up”… that doesn’t really sound appealing to your ex, or at least it may just not be a good enough reason for him or her to say “yes” and agree to meet.
Instead, try to give them another reason to say yes to your proposed ‘date’ or ‘hang out’ session. For instance, if your ex was a big fan of a particular author, you could tell them about an upcoming book signing event that their favorite author is holding in town soon, and suggest the two of you go to the signing together.
The key is to make sure your ex has a good reason to agree to the ‘date’ beyond simply “catching up” or “chatting”… which often won’t be enough of an incentive by itself.
Ex Back Tip #8: Flirt, Flirt, Flirt… and Build Attraction!
One of the crucial things you need to do when you get to the point where you’re starting to hang out with your ex again in person is to build attraction.
Flirt with your ex. Build sexual tension. Make them laugh.
Did I mention… flirting?
A lot of people misunderstand what I mean when I talk about the importance of building “attraction” with your ex. It’s more than just physical attraction, although that’s part of it too… but, generally I mean re-building natural, organic attraction on both a physical AND emotional level.
Make your ex want to be around you, make them remember why they first fell for you… that sort of thing. This is critical if you ever want your ex back, and flirting is the easiest way to re-build some of that attraction.
When the time is right and you’re confident your ex will be receptive, make sure you touch your ex now and then. Don’t be afraid to tease them a bit, get a bit closer when you’re talking, and do all the simple things you did back on your first date.
Don’t get frazzled and act awkward, just be natural, and slowly build up the flirting and escalate your advances. Remember you’re trying to get back into a romantic relationship, which involves intimacy and touching and sexual chemistry. That’s the main goal of these in-person meetings, so get your flirting game going when you’re with your ex!