Historically, long distance relationships have proven to be some of the hardest to maintain—not to mention how difficult it is to get a long distance ex back. But do not despair because if you are reading this, then you have come to the right place. As a break up expert and coach, I will let you in on some secrets of how to get your long-distance ex back. And make them reconsider you as a romantic partner.
How Committed Are You?
Before we get started, you should ask yourself if you are really ready and willing to put the time and effort into getting your long-distance ex back. If you are wavering, then I suggest you move on; however, if you cannot live your life happily without even trying to get your ex back, then let’s get started. Just know that it isn’t going to be easy, which brings me to my first piece of advice, patience.
“Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it is how we behave while we’re waiting” – Joyce Meyer
When you have committed yourself to getting your ex back, it is imperative that you remember to be patient. Regardless of where in the world your ex now lives in relation to you, you need to understand and accept that your reconciliation isn’t going to happen overnight.
Patience is also key in being resilient when you are trying to get your ex back. Just because you have decided that you want to get back together with your ex, it doesn’t mean your ex will immediately accept and think the same. No, patience is the key to being resilient.
During this time, you really need to have a thick skin and prepare to be met with some rejection. However, if you play your cards right, you will have followed my fool proof steps in rebuilding attraction.
Having coached thousands of clients through breakups and makeups, the number one rule in getting your ex back, in any situation, is to follow the no contact rule. It is as simple as it sounds. That is to not contact your ex for thirty days immediately after the breakup. That means zero contact on all social platforms—even a carrier pigeon.
If you have managed to follow this, then you are well on your way to making your ex miss you, which is a key step if you want to get your long distance ex back.
After your thirty days of no contact, by now you should be at a place where your emotions have had a chance to settle, and you can think clearly and exercise some subtly in your approach to contact your ex, which brings me to my next point.
Be Subtle in Reconnecting
That is subtlety. I would strongly advise against bombarding your ex with messages of how much you still miss and love them after you’ve just given them radio silence for a month. This will have undone all of your hard work over the past thirty days.
You want to slowly reintegrate yourself into your ex’s life. And to do this, you should start with a light and friendly message that is not too detailed, but not a boring, “Hey, how are you?” We can get there.
A great way to break the ice is to find something funny like a meme, a video, a picture, whatever you think that they will think is funny and send it to them, saying something along the lines of, “I laughed so hard at this and immediately thought of you!” Then wait for a response, and then you can ask how they are. Be careful, because here is not the time to discuss anything from the past. At this point, you can only look forward.
If you really want to get your long distance ex back, you can’t live in the past; you need to be focused on starting fresh and recreate attraction, which is impossible when you are living in your past relationship.
So after you slowly integrate yourself back into speaking with your ex, and you passed the first message to where you are casually chatting, you need to make the messages a little flirty. Not pornographic, but create an exciting, flirty, textual relationship.
You are trying to rebuild attraction, and you can’t do that by rehashing and dissecting your past relationship. This is why patience is key, because you should be on a constant flow of flirty communication for a while. After the no contact and having only flirted, this is also building tension and will guarantee you that your ex is only seeing the good things about you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
(Your next course of action, once you have maintained a rapport with your ex, you need to meet face to face. My suggestion is to create a coincidence in which you both end up in the same city. For example, a girls’ trip work conference, something that brings you to your ex’s city and not just for the sole purpose of reconnecting with them. This is all keeping in subtlety.)
Get Face to Face
Your next course of action, once you have a consistent flow of communication with your ex, is to meet up face to face. Try to meet in person, but have a reason to be in the same city not just to see your ex. Create a coincidence. Maybe you and some friends are going on a trip or you have business in their area. You can make a reason as to why you are there without your ex being the sole purpose of the visit. Even if they are, you can’t let them know it.
In concluding this article, remember that all relationships are different and that they end for a variety of reasons. But if you follow the steps I’ve provided for you above, you should have no issues in mending your long distance relationship.