If you want your ex back, you probably know that begging and pleading isn’t the answer.
You want your ex to think it was their idea to reconnect.
And ideally they apologize, and admit that breaking up was a big mistake.
I’m going to teach you how to make your ex admit that they shouldn’t have broken up. It may sound impossible, but it’s often actually quite simple if you know how to play it.
Even if your ex cheated on you, lied to you or otherwise broke your trust, mistreated you or anything like that, this method could very well still work for you… because this method is essentially going to make them realize they made a huge mistake.
From there, the process of getting them back is going to be much, much easier than it would otherwise.
Now some people will call this manipulative, and I’m not going to lie, there is a bit of psychology at play here but in the long run, you’re not doing anything to your ex that’s illegal, immoral or hurtful.
You’re just using a few simple psychological methods against them. The real trick here is to make your ex’s mind do the work.
The Shock Treatment
The first and most important step is to DISAPPEAR from your ex’s radar as quickly and completely as possible after breaking up.
Even if it’s already been 2 or 3 months since your breakup, you still need to cut off all contact for a period of time.
My default suggestion for the typical breakup situation is to employ around 30 days of No Contact, but of course some scenarios may call for a shorter or longer period of radio silence. Again, this is all about tapping into basic psychology and forcing your ex to suddenly experience life without you.
I know this is going to seem counterintuitive…or even going against your goal, but you need to trust me here. It’s not forever. It’s just for around one month.
You may be saying that this is impossible…that you two have things to discuss. The truth is that there are basically NO reasons that you have to contact your ex after a breakup…outside of logistical things like picking up your stuff, getting bills paid and things like that. And the thing is that you can get those all done ASAP and then go No Contact.
Or if there’s a genuine reason that you can’t pick up your cat or whatever for a few weeks, just make it happen in the most streamlined and seamless way so that you can avoid having any extended conversations with your ex.
The few exceptions here are if you live together, work together or have children together. If that describes your situation, I made another video just for you.
Outside of these few specific situations, talking to your ex during this time is only going to hurt your chances.
First off, emotions are extremely high right after a breakup and you run the risk of getting into an argument with your ex which is–obviously–going to just push them further away.
You could also lose control and start begging them for a second chance. Or you could bug them incessantly with your texts. Or you could complain to them about how sad you are.
Or you could yell at them. Or booty call them… or any combination of these things. And, of course, this is only going to make them upset and drive them away from you.
What If Talking With Your Ex Seems To Be Working?
But what if staying in contact with your ex is going well? What if you two seem to be connecting and talking to them makes you both feel good? Well, if it’s only been a few weeks since the breakup, this is going to actually be a problem in the long run too.
Because you actually don’t want your ex to feel good right now. You want them to feel the sadness and loneliness that you’re feeling.
You want them to be MISERABLE and feel like they made the biggest mistake of their life.
Now you don’t want to do anything actively cruel to them right now but denying them your presence is your right, your choice and it’s the right thing to do for both of you.
Remember, they ended the relationship. Why do they get to dictate that you have to stay around to keep them company?
Now, once you have gotten all the excuses out of the way, it’s time to go No Contact. I won’t lie to you…at first, it’s going to really suck. You’ll feel like you lost a limb or something.
The sadness and the sense of loss will be powerful…more powerful than you’d even felt up to this point. But then something surprising will happen.
All of a sudden you’re going to start to feel better. One day you’ll notice that you haven’t thought about them in a few hours. Then it’ll be a whole afternoon. Then a whole day will go past without them entering your mind.
At the same time, your ex will be going through exactly the opposite feelings. Because you made them go cold turkey and because you made the decision to go No Contact, they’re going to be really upset. This time alone will make them rethink the decision they made to end things. They’ll be all alone and stressed about the future without you in it.
And without you constantly reminding them of your presence and your desire to be with them, they’ll worry that they missed their one chance at happiness. They’ll start to feel worthless and unlovable.
And on top of that, it’s been proven that the negative memories of a breakup fade before the positive memories of the relationship and so they’re going to start forgetting all the bad stuff and pining after all the good times you had together.
They’ll be going over all the mistakes they made and wondering why you ever gave them a chance in the first place.
I know that you love your ex and you don’t want to make them feel bad…necessarily…but if you want them to realize and admit their mistake, this is what you have to do. Then, if you want to make your ex happy, you’ll be able to make it happen together, rather than apart.
Use The Time Apart From Your Ex Wisely
Cutting your ex off isn’t the ONLY thing you have to do if you want them to admit defeat. You actually have to make the most of this time to turn things around and start winning at life if you want to really flip the script and change their mind.
I know you aren’t feeling like doing a bunch of self improvement right now but it’s going to make all the difference in the world, trust me. And not only that but it’s going to surprise your ex and if you want them to admit they made a mistake you need to SHOW them that they were wrong about you and what you’re capable of.
So take a good hard look at your life and list the things that you want to improve. Now, I want you to make two concrete goals that you can achieve in the next thirty days.
So if you want to improve your fitness, your goal could be to run a 10 k race by the end of the month. If you want to excel at school then your goal could be to get an A on an upcoming project.
If your goal is to be more adventurous your goal could be to get scuba certified. These goals should be significant and challenging but achievable.
You need to show yourself, and your ex, that you can do whatever you want and you don’t need them by your side, dragging you down.
Not only will this distract you from your heartbreak, it’s going to help you fill up the time you used to spend hanging out with your ex. As dumb as it sounds on the surface, please trust me when I say this is a POWERFUL indicator to your ex that they made a mistake.
Your ex is going to be surprised by the confidence you gain throughout this process, and you’re going to have something new and interesting to talk to your ex about once you start to re-connect.
Even if things with your ex DON’T end up working out in the long run for whatever reason, chasing goals and working on improving your own life is STILL going to be a valuable exercise that will help you speed up the process of getting over them.
Get Back In The Saddle & Start Dating
Now if you really want your ex to admit their mistake, you need to focus on dating during this time. I know it’s not going to feel right.
It might feel like a betrayal but it’s actually going to help you get your ex back in the long run…and you two are broken up right now so they can’t be upset at you for supposedly “moving on” and dating again.
So download a dating app or two, get your friends to set you up and actually GO on a few dates. Don’t just talk and flirt with people. Go out there and make it happen, even if you don’t want to.
This will do everything that achieving goals will do but even better…it’s going to make your ex extremely jealous.
Their mind is going to run wild at the idea of you out on dates with new, attractive people and it’s going to make them spiral all over again.
This is what typically does it for most people…they don’t want to see their ex in the arms of someone new and that can be a huge wake up call if they think that they have the upper hand in the breakup.