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Cheated On Your Ex? How to Rebuild the Trust

Cheating is one of the most divisive things that can happen during a relationship.

And, unfortunately, cheating is rather commonplace. Statistics on infidelity vary greatly, but some suggest that over 50% of men have cheated in a relationship. For women, studies show that around 40% of women admit to cheating on their man. That number, realistically, could be much greater.

trust definitionAlthough these statistics sound discouraging, you have to realize one thing: there is a way to recover from cheating on your partner. A lot of men and women out there will say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater!” but that statement isn’t always accurate.

Ourtime.com, an online dating website, recently polled married couples. Of the couples that broke up due to cheating, 31% of them were able to recover. That isn’t an insignificant amount. So if you’ve recently cheated on your partner and you’re looking for ways to mend the relationship, here are four crucial things you must know and apply immediately.

1.) You need to be able to communicate effectively with your partner and keep those lines of communication open at all times.  

Fixing this situation is going to have to start with one thing: communication.

The trust in your relationship has been broken and in order for you repair it, you’re going to have to start being 100% open and honest about everything. You’re going to have to accept the fact that your partner is going to ask you some very difficult questions: “Who did you cheat on me with? When did you cheat on me? Was he/she a better lover than me? Will you ever cheat on me again?”

CHEATINGYou owe it to your partner to explain your situation fully – and there’s no other way around this. As difficult as this will be for you, keep in mind that it will be at least twice as difficult for your partner to hear your answers.

2.) It takes time for someone to forgive you, so be patient. Don’t push your partner.

It may or may not be a long and arduous road to forgiveness, but regardless of how long it will take, you can’t force your partner to forgive you faster. And you can’t get angry, frustrated, or depressed at the fact that your partner hasn’t forgiven you. When he or she is ready, they will forgive you. The only thing you need to be worried about right now is doing everything in your power to rebuild the trust that has been lost.

3.) Find out WHY you cheated in the first place.

Fixing a broken relationship isn’t all about getting your partner to forgive you. That’s only ‘step one’ of many! In order for your relationship to thrive again, you must ensure that you won’t ever cheat again.

The first step in that process is to discover why you cheated and fix it. Were you unhappy about some aspect of your relationship? Then it’s up to you to fix it – if you don’t, you’ll be tempted to cheat again down the road. However, make sure that you give your partner the space and time they need to forgive you first before you tackle this issue.

And whatever you do, do not blame your partner for your mistake. It isn’t their fault – it’s yours, and yours alone.

4.) Be empathetic and understanding.

trust rock

Just know that the image of you being with another person is extremely painful for your partner. Just picture how painful it would be for you if the roles were reversed. That means that you have to know how to take the verbal beating you’re going to receive – and not retaliate. That means that you need to be understanding when your partner says condescending or mean or even irrational things to you. Just try to picture yourself in his or her shoes and take it.

That also means that you need to be 100% supportive of them even though you don’t feel like it. Remember, as frustrated as you may feel at times, the onus is on you to rebuild the trust. You were the one that made the mistake.

Remember: This Will Take Time.

Again, the key here is patience so you must be prepared for a long road. If you love this person (and I assume you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here), then you should be doing whatever it takes to regain that trust and love again. If you stick with these four basic principles, your chances of recovery will increase dramatically.