It’s amazing how a simple change to your own way of thinking can make all the difference in getting a second chance with your ex.
Here’s the big thing:
You need to stop seeing getting your ex back as your only path to happiness.
You need to ACCEPT that you might fail…. And learn to be perfectly OK with that outcome, knowing that you CAN and WILL find happiness again.
Because really… your fear of losing your ex for good is NOT helpful. It’s actually just making your path towards getting back together a lot more difficult.
Why? Well, for starters, when your entire life is focused on getting back together with your ex, you’re making yourself look desperate, needy, and often downright pathetic. Frankly, we both know that’s not true.
Heartbreak affects everyone, whether they’re a supermodel, rock star, or James Bond. There’s nothing weird about feeling like your life is over when you get dumped out of the blue or feel like you’ve lost the love of your life.
However, just because this is a natural feeling that everyone goes through after a tough breakup doesn’t mean it’s something you want your ex to see you experiencing.
Regardless of how bad your heartache might be right now, letting your ex see you in that state… or showing them your hand by revealing the fact you want desperately to win them back… yeah, that’s just not an attractive look.
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Most of the time, this will only confirm for your ex that they made the right decision in breaking up with you, and sometimes subconsciously suggest to them that they can find someone better.
But there’s actually a second, more important reason: a fear of losing your ex will hurt your chances of winning them back… it’s because you’re putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself and the outcome of this whole situation you’re currently facing.
For most of you watching, you’re probably thinking–at least subconsciously–that any outcome other than getting back together with your ex means failure. It means more days and weeks alone, feeling about as shitty and heartbroken as you might feel right now.
In my experience, probably 90% of my coaching clients have this mindset when I start working with them, and it’s a very dangerous and unhelpful way of thinking.
Fear of losing your ex, then, is basically like framing things in a “zero-sum” game. This means you’re seeing the situation with your ex as having only two possible outcomes: returning to a happy, loving relationship with your ex, or spending the rest of your life miserable and lonely.
For obvious reasons, when you think about things in this way, you’re going to really fear the latter outcome.
Look, here’s the truth: if you stop caring so much… if you stop seeing the only path to a happy, successful future as the one where you’re back together with your ex… you’ll stop putting so much pressure on yourself. And that will actually, by itself, improve your chances of making that happen.
Think about it — if two of the best boxers are about to step into the ring for a championship fight, who is going to be more nervous and more likely to feel the pressure… the undefeated fighter with a perfect 33-0 record, or his opponent who is equally skilled but has a couple of losses to his name?
Right, of course the undefeated boxer is going to feel the pressure more, and often that will have a negative impact on his performance in the ring…. At least, it would for most of us in that situation.
And quite frankly, after coaching thousands of people in situations like the one you’re facing right now, I’ve seen first-hand how much easier the process of getting back together with an ex can be if you’re willing to accept that there are a number of different ways that you might end up happy and satisfied with life that DON’T involve your ex.
Clients who can successfully adopt a zero fucks given attitude are less likely to overanalyze their ex’s words and behaviour, less prone to silly emotional outbursts or breakdowns that will hurt their chances, and less nervous and more natural when they talk with or meet with their ex in person.
I’ve seen this ring true hundreds if not thousands of times over the years.
The coaching clients that are able to play it cool, and accept that they may fail in their quest to get their ex back… and who understand that failing to get them back doesn’t mean you’re doomed to live alone in a permanent state of depression and heartache…. Are usually the ones who tend to most often succeed in getting their ex back.
Understand that there are many paths to happiness, and that adopting a “I don’t care how it all ends up” attitude in general will be more productive and more likely to get your ex back than focusing on what might happen if things don’t work out the way you’re hoping. Focus on the things you can control, and ignore the rest.
Remember: the fear and anxiety you feel at the thought of losing your ex isn’t helpful. No matter what happens with your ex — hopefully you’ll get them back soon, but even if not — you’ll find happiness again. As much as you can, accept that the outcome is out of your control, as long as you’re doing everything you can that’s within your control.