Here’s something that I tell people who ask me why their ex hasn’t come back:
Your ex will come back when their heart is broken.
It’s something that I’ve found to be true for so many of my clients that it’s become almost a catchphrase for me.
But there’s more to this idea than it seems.
So, what do I mean when I say “your ex will come back when their heart is broken”?
Well first, I want to explain what I don’t mean, so no one gets the wrong idea. I don’t mean that your ex is NEVER going to come back to you unless they have some major heartbreak.
Certainly, some couples do get back together after a breakup because of other factors and no one has to have this big, disruptive heartbreak to make it happen.
I also don’t mean that your ex has to date someone new and get dumped before they’ll come crawling back to you. Though, of course, this can be a factor.
What I do mean is that if your ex has a major heartbreak, then the chances of them coming back to you go up exponentially.
In most cases, your ex going through something like this is going to push them towards you like almost nothing else can because it leaves them vulnerable, sad and alone and this makes them want to reach to you as a source of comfort.
But beyond that—because you don’t want to just be a shoulder to cry on for your ex—they come back because suffering this great loss gives them perspective and shows them how good you were for them and how you
But what form that heartbreak takes is going to make a huge difference. So let’s talk about heartbreak.
Your Ex’s Heartbreak
There are two basic ways that your ex will experience heartbreak that will bring them back to you.
The first–and the less common way—is for your ex to start dating someone new following the breakup, grow close to them and go through another breakup.
This is really hard to watch and while it can be a tough situation to recover from, it’s often not a bad position to be in.
Now I know that when an ex comes back after something like this it can be tough to trust their intentions. Did they just get dumped and are now coming back to you because you’re their only option? Doesn’t feel great.
But really, this isn’t looking at the whole picture. Often rebound relationships are passionate and intense but they’re also just that—rebounds.
They’re entered into an attempt to hide from the pain they’re already feeling about the breakup.
RELATED: This Convinces Your Ex That Breaking Up Was The Wrong Decision
This is going to be a common theme here: your ex is going to be trying their best to avoid the heartbreak moment they know is coming. And it’s the moment that they stop running that it’s going to hit them like a freight train and send them running back to you.
Because in reality, chances are they don’t really care about their rebound. They’re just a distraction for them.
It’s you that they’re trying to get over by getting into bed with someone else. And when it doesn’t work out it’s you they’re going to immediately start thinking about. This is why they come back to you after all.
And the second way that your ex will experience heartbreak is similarly delayed.
They won’t get into a rebound relationship but they will use other methods to delay dealing with their negative feelings for as long as possible.
They’ll distract themselves in any way they can. They’ll spend time with friends and family. They’ll drink and party. They’ll throw themselves into work or hobbies—whatever it takes to avoid thinking about you and the breakup.
But as we all know, this can only work for so long. And as long as you follow the advice I’m going to give you in the next part of this video, your ex’s heartbreak is going to come flooding back to them ten times worse.
How To Break Your Ex’s Heart
Now this is the part where people might accuse me of being manipulative or cruel. And I can understand this mindset. Because you want your ex to be happy. You don’t want to hurt them.
But the truth is that, your ex is going to go through this process sooner or later. You’re just acting to speed up the process and maximize your chances of rebuilding the relationship before too much time has passed and it’s too late.
And don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to hurt your ex in any real way. You’re not going to call them up and yell at them or manipulate them into feeling sad or break up their new relationship.
In fact, you’re not giving your ex anything they didn’t ask for by breaking up with you. You’re just acting like you naturally would after a breakup…if you were moving on. And this starts by cutting off contact.
Because the thing is that—whatever form of connection you’re still holding onto with your ex—every time you interact with your ex right after the breakup, you’re actually helping them cope with their heartbreak.
It may feel like you’re going closer at times but really, they’re moving away from you and you don’t even see it.
You need to understand that your ex is going to use any form of distraction available to them to avoid these feelings. And what better distraction is there than you? You’re someone they care about, miss and have all these complicated feelings about.
Now you’re broken up but you’re spending time together and chatting and texting and it’s all very exciting, confusing and stimulating.
This is the distraction that they’re looking for. Every time they see a text from you and wonder what it means…every time you two hold a glance a little too long or have an awkward catch up, or even a fight—they get to think about this interaction instead of the breakup.
But what if you did the exact opposite? Instead of letting them jerk you around with hot and cold behaviour, avoid the issue and drag their feet all while drifting further and further away from you—what if you cut contact and went totally silent?
If you did that you’d remove a major distraction from them and so they’d have no choice but to sit with all the negative feelings around the breakup. And ultimately, it would break their heart.
So when you look at it that way, it’s really not a choice at all.
But how do you make this happen? Well it starts with the obvious: making the decision to go no contact with your ex. This is going to be hard but it’s going to be so necessary if you want your ex back.
So start by making the decision to cut all contact with your ex for at least 30 days from this point forward.
Don’t make caveats or any excuses so that you can feel better about going back on this. It has to be strict or it’s not going to work.
Of course, there are reasons that you might have to talk to your ex during this period like they owe you money or you need to give them their things back but do your best to get these settled right now, today so that you can follow the No Contact Rule properly.
Now, making the pledge isn’t easy but it’s doable. It’s sticking to it that’s the hard part. It’s like how when you’re hungover it’s so easy to say “I’m never going to drink again” but when it’s Friday night and you’re at a bar with your friends, it can feel almost irresistible.
That’s why you need to be strict here. No little exceptions or you’ll just end up right back where you are right now and risk losing your ex forever.
Now during this time, you need to take a page out of your ex’s book and look for distractions. Focus on friends and family, your career, your schooling. Lose yourself in hobbies and fun activities.
But that’s not where this ends. You want to take this time as an opportunity to genuinely level up and improve your life so that when your ex sees you next they’re blown away by all the progress you’ve made.
So hitting the gym is great but setting goals and achieving them is even better. This is going to give you confidence and it’s going to show your ex how much you have to offer them.
RELATED: The BEST PLAN To Get Your EX BACK
But then how are you breaking your ex’s heart? Well in reality, you’re not really doing much here. You’re giving them space to break their own heart which will happen when they run out of distractions and are forced to really sit with the breakup.
And at the same time, you’re putting yourself in the best position to win them back when the time comes to reconnect.
