If you’re trying to get your ex back, chances are your actions are quietly destroying their respect for you.
And the worst part is that most of these mistakes feel kind, mature, or emotionally honest.
But in reality, they push your ex further away and make attraction almost impossible to rebuild.
These Mistakes Are KILLING Your Ex’s Attraction
Let’s talk about the six subtle mistakes people make after a breakup including one that always feels like the right move but actually kills your chances faster than chasing ever could.
#1. Never Take Your Ex’s Abuse
After a breakup, guilt often takes over. People start thinking, “Maybe this really was my fault” or “I deserve this for how I’ve been acting” And because of that guilt, they let their ex dump all over them.
They believe that if they absorb enough anger, blame and punishment, their ex will see that they’re taking the high road…that they’ve changed.
But it’s actually the opposite. When you allow your ex to yell at you, shame you, or constantly blame you, it makes you look weak and lacking in confidence. More importantly, it causes them to lose respect for you.
And respect is the foundation of attraction. Without it, nothing else works… and I’ll come back to this later.
RELATED: 7 Signs Your Ex Feels Guilty For Dumping You
But there’s another problem here too. Breakups are emotional, and if you allow it, your ex will start using you as their emotional outlet. You become the place where they unload negativity… and over time, they associate you with stress, anger, and regret. That’s a cycle you can rarely come back from.
Of course, taking responsibility is important if you cheated or seriously mistreated them. But there’s a massive difference between accountability and becoming your ex’s punching bag. If you let them disrespect you over and over, pretty soon they’ll think you don’t deserve respect.
So instead of taking it or fighting back, your best move is often to disengage. Change the subject. Deflect. Step away. Drama never rebuilds attraction.
#2. Don’t Show Your Ex Vulnerability
In a relationship, vulnerability creates connection. After a breakup, it creates discomfort.
Calling your ex and dumping your emotions on them — sadness, loneliness, confusion, anger — doesn’t bring you closer. It makes you look unstable and emotionally unsafe.
And this isn’t about suppressing your emotions. It’s about finding the proper outlet…and that’s never going to be your ex. Your ex is not your therapist. They’re not your support system anymore. And just like you shouldn’t let them dump on you, you can’t dump on them either.
This also applies to social media. So posting sad song lyrics, cryptic messages, quotes about loyalty and fake people…Whether you’re venting or hoping your ex will notice, it just screams desperation.
On the other hand, significant progress says the opposite. So tell them that the breakup has made you do a lot of thinking… that you’re reevaluating things. This kind of talk makes you seem mature… like you’re moving forward.
Because you’re not sharing every single thought you’re having, you’ll make them wonder what exactly is going on in your head. Are you leveling up? Are you moving on without them? And when your ex is thinking about you, they’re wanting you.
#3. Never Be Friends With Your Ex
Being friends with your ex kills your chances because it reprograms your ex’s brain…it changes how they SEE you. Instead of rebuilding romantic tension, you’re training their brain to see you as safe, familiar, and non-sexual. A friend.
And once that shift happens, trying to turn things romantic again feels confusing—even manipulative—to them. That’s when you get accused of “changing the rules” or lying about your intentions.
Don’t make the same mistake so many people have before. Friendship after a breakup isn’t just neutral. It’s not a good way to keep them close while you work on making your next move. It actively works against attraction and drives them away from you.
#4. Don’t Give Your Ex Unlimited Access
Attraction depends on anticipation. And anticipation requires space. You can’t make your ex miss you if you’re always available—physically OR emotionally.
If you go two weeks without talking, but the moment they text you, you show up at their house ready to talk, you haven’t effectively created distance. You’ve only proven that you’re still obsessed with them.
Think about food delivery apps. When they first launched, people were excited about the chance to order food using an app. Now people complain if it takes thirty minutes. This isn’t just about taking things for granted, it’s about access.
If you want your ex to value your time, attention, and presence, you need boundaries. Don’t cancel plans for them. Don’t let them hit you up at the last minute. Make concrete plans in advance… don’t bend over backwards to meet on your ex’s terms.
#5. Don’t Do Your Ex Favours
After a breakup, people try to earn affection through usefulness… rides, errands, pet sitting, help around the house… but when you give more than you receive, your ex doesn’t feel grateful as much as they feel powerful. And that power imbalance destroys attraction.
Respect disappears when they know you’re doing things for them that they wouldn’t do for you.
There is ONE exception to this rule, and it depends on why your relationship ended. I’ll explain that in just a moment.
#6. Don’t Give Your Ex Too Much Hope
Nothing is less attractive to the human mind than a sure thing. We believe we want convenience…ease of access…but when we’re given everything too easily, it loses value and our mind turns to things that are more exciting because they feel out of reach.
That’s how hope poisons the relationship. If your ex knows they can have you whenever they want, their mind stops focusing on desire and starts focusing on flaws.
It all starts to feel more real…like it’s really happening…and so they get scared. Their mind turns to the problems, the possibility of failure, all the less than ideal things that you represent. That’s why uncertainty is the secret ingredient.
When your ex isn’t sure whether you want them back… when they sense you might be moving on…they fear losing you instead of fearing the relationship. And fear of loss pulls them towards you.
They stop analysing the past and start trying to secure the future. That’s the balance you want: enough warmth to stay connected, but never so much certainty that they stop trying.
Now earlier, I mentioned an exception to the “no favours” rule.
If your ex consistently complained that you were selfish, unavailable, or emotionally absent — and that was a major driver of the breakup — then selective, intentional generosity can signal change. But this ONLY applies if that was truly what came between you and your ex so make sure this applies because guessing wrong here can absolutely backfire.
Wondering if you fall into this category? The best thing you can do right now is go to BreakupBrad.com/Plan and use my custom plan tool. Just answer a handful of simple questions about your breakup and my algorithm will generate a free, step-by-step plan to help you win them back quickly. If you want a second chance, you can’t keep making the same mistakes. So go to BreakupBrad.com/Plan to learn more and try it out for free.
Now, before we wrap this up, you may have noticed something about this list: taking your ex’s abuse, showing vulnerability, being their friend, giving them access…hope…friendship—every one of these mistakes does the same thing: they give your ex power…and take it away from you.
Fix that dynamic, and attraction finally has room to rebuild. Avoid these six behaviours, and you dramatically increase your chances with your ex.
