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Ignoring Your Ex: Is It Always The Right Strategy?

If you’ve been reading my articles and watching my YouTube videos, you’ll know that a big, big strategy I teach is the “No Contact” strategy.

What is the “No Contact” strategy, you ask? Essentially, it means ignoring your ex for a period of time after the breakup.

Why Ignore Your Ex If You Want Them Back?

silent manWell, if you want to get your ex back, you need to erase the old image your ex has of you and replace it with a more vibrant, attractive, and sexual image. By not contacting your ex for a prolonged period of time (and the duration usually depends on the situation), you essentially allow your ex to “reset” his or her mental image of you.

Once that happens, then the magical art of “Re-Attraction” sets in, and that’s when you can start rebuilding that magnetic energy that you and your ex once had.

But I get this question asked more than any other question: “My situation is unique…should I be using the “No Contact” strategy?”

In this article, I’ll go through some reasons why you should ignore your ex and apply the No Contact strategy… and I’ll also explain when it may NOT be a wise move to ignore your ex.

First, let’s cover when it may not be appropriate to use the “No Contact” strategy…

1.)  When It’s Been many months since the breakup

If you broke up with your ex more than 6 months ago, then “No Contact” may be less effective. If you’ve been in regular contact with your ex during this time, then you need to stop communicating with your ex immediately. In order to get back with your ex, a period of no communication is a must. However, if you already haven’t talked to your ex for months, then it’s unlikely that not communicating for an additional 30 days or more will do any good.

2.)  When You Live With Your Ex

ex factor programThis is a really common scenario… your ex broke up with you, but you still live together or share a living space and simply cannot avoid contact with your ex.  This is so common that I’ve included a whole section about it in my Ex Factor Guide program, so if you’re facing this situation yourself, please consider grabbing a copy of the program for more advice on handling your ex when you live together.

In summary, though, you should try to limit non-essential contact with your ex even when you live together.  Don’t make it obvious by eating meals in the middle of the night and hiding behind closed doors all the time — you don’t want your ex to know you’re trying to avoid them — just try to avoid unnecessary encounters.  And when you DO have to talk to your ex, it’s absolutely critical that you put on your ‘happy face’ and act positive, upbeat, and friendly.

Don’t show your emotions don’t get angry or sad or drag your ex into any drama or arguments… just be friendly and polite, while looking for the first chance to escape and cut the conversation short.  If necessary, tell your ex that you’re sorry but you can’t chat right now because you’ve got plans with some friends, but you’ll catch up with them later.  Do this whenever possible and keep any conversations limited to small talk, inside jokes, and fun topics. Don’t talk about anything serious.  Always appear happy and make it look to your ex like you’re really embracing the freedom of being single.

3.)  When You Work Together or Go To School Together

If you have to see your ex at work or school regularly, use the exact same strategy that I just described for those who live with their ex — limit contact as much as possible for 30 days, keep any conversations friendly and positive, and make sure your ex knows you’re doing well.

4.)   When You Have Children Together

arguing parentsIf you and your ex have kids together, then you simply won’t be able to avoid contact altogether.  Just try to limit communication to essential topics related to the kids… talk about who will take the kids to school, how the dance recital went, when the dentist appointment is, etc. Make sure you do this with a smile on your face and a positive attitude.

Politely shut down any conversations not related to your kids or your home/finances that are critical, and let your ex know that you’re not holding any hard feelings, you’re just busy and can’t talk for long.

If you’re in this situation or you’re going through a divorce, please keep in mind that you may never be able to fix things with your ex. Often times you can still save your relationship even if you’ve got kids together, but it’s usually a more difficult process with lower odds of success than in traditional or less serious relationships

5.) When Your Ex Won’t Stop Talking To You

If you’re trying to go through with the 30 days of no contact, but your ex keeps pestering you with text messages and phone calls, then you may be wondering how ignoring them will help you win back your ex and start fresh with them.  But, in this type of situation, no contact can often actually be MORE important… you need your ex to know that you will NOT be available to provide emotional support or keep them entertained while they get over the post-breakup heartache and loneliness.  Your ex must understand what they have to choose between being with you (in a romantic relationship), or not having you in their life at all.

In the above scenarios, applying the “No Contact” strategy can be difficult, however in 99% of other situations, you should be applying this rule. The thing is, most of my clients just simply want to talk to their ex and the burning desire to do so can sometimes be impossible to overcome for them, so they try and make up any excuse they can to contact him or her. Just believe me when I say that the “No Contact” strategy is effective in almost every case.

Unless you’ve got a very compelling reason why you think the “No Contact” phase won’t work for you – and with nearly 10 years of breakup coaching experience, I have only seen that type of situation a handful of times – you should be using this strategy as soon as you can.

For more information how to leverage psychological tactics such as “no contact” to win back your ex and make him or her fall back in love with you, click here to watch my full-length video presentation.